"Women always do this."

Last night at work I got called out for changing my mind, not following through with my initial inclination.  "Women always do this!" he said.  

I blame love songs.

Quoth Joni Mitchell:

"...I had a man in summertime with summer-colored skin, and not another girl in town my darling's heart could win;  but when the leaves fell trembling down, and bully winds did rub their faces in the snow, he got the urge for going, and I had to let him go..."

I fully admit: I crave this kind of drama--I want something love-song-significant to happen in my life so badly, that I attach the hurt, and I wind up pushing boyfriends away, and re-accepting them, cyclically.  This is a repeat offense, so I feel like I should have learned something.  Right, let's see here: 

When friends make things dramatic for themselves, I have my way of reminding them that they can handle anything that's thrown at them--that they are safe--that they should do something distracting.  When I lash out,  I know that's all I need--a little reassurance from the... "lashee (?!) ."   My natural inclination is to want apologies, long honest discussions, and comfortable quiet--immediately, and at times unnecessarily. 

If there's a reason they say "patience is a virtue," I'm learning it isn't because life always works out the way you have imagined it to be.  Sometimes you have to reassure yourself, even if you have to get huffy about it. 

Let's try:

He'll come around, or he won't.  I'll still be here, because all in all I'm doing very well.

Next topic:

Do I believe that?

Stay tuned.